I've told my friends and readers over the summer that I suffered from a severe mental breakdown. It was so bad I could not get out of bed, and it even resulted in physical pain in my stomach for a long time, because as you may know, the brain function can impact gut health. I could barely stand. Quite honestly, the feeling of death was all over me, and I thought it might be the end. But fortunately, it wasn't. I progressively got better, the pain eventually went away, and I was able to resume basic life after a couple of months. But what I want to talk about here today is what I think may have happened to me on a spiritual level.
I have seriously entertained the thought that the Gods knocked me down to teach me some valuable lessons. While I've been extremely devout, I haven't always been a humble person, nor one who is thankful for what he has in life. Sometimes I would even criticize people for not living the same kind of life I was at the time. As Hesiod said, Zeus withers the proud. And not being grateful for the things you have is, I think, also another form of arrogance. No matter what I had, it was never good enough for me. I complained so much.
When the breakdown and extreme fatigue first set in, I went to two sets of doctors. They did blood tests, a urinalysis, and an EKG. There was nothing physically wrong with me. It was my mind, without which the body cannot function. All I knew to do at the time was go home and lie down, wondering if it was ever going to end or if I was mentally disabled from this day forward. I could barely even eat, resulting in noticable weight loss.
It was the worst illness of my life. Everything in my life suffered, and I felt so lost and alone. I even explored other religions for a short time, because of how hopeless I felt, but the Gods were showing me that I am nothing without them, that I might even be able to find help in another deity, but it still won't be enough; I need the Greek Gods. And equally important, that I am no better than anyone else.
I also think I put too much mental pressure on myself over this year, which led to the ultimate breakdown in the summer. I was trying to take on more than I could handle, trying to be more than human perhaps, which is something I cannot be. In so many ways, I needed to learn my place.
I learned well, and yesterday, I felt like the lesson was over. I was up out of bed, smiling, praising the Gods, loving everyone, and thinking of only good things to come. I felt like I had my life back. One of my friends on social media even commented to me, "Welcome back to the land of the living."
In the Goodness of the Gods,
Chris Aldridge.